sometimes, it's a struggle.

Saturday, October 17, 2009 at 2:40 PM
i'm the first to admit that i'm damned lucky to be getting paid to write. yeah, i'm not selling my novels or stories or anything, but my words are out there (and i'm obsessed with putting words together in a particular way, as i'm sure most writers are..) and people are reading them whether they know i wrote them or not -- and i'm getting money for it. what could be better?
not much...

thing is, i'm kind of stuck creatively now that i'm writing things that have more to do with research. don't get me wrong, i love it all, but i just feel i *may* have hit a brick wall. i haven't written a word of my novel in forever. yeah, i write every day, and i write A Lot every day, but it's getting alexis no further along in her adventure.
honestly, i think a lot of it has to do with her. she's not ready to move on quite yet... she's still dealing with this whole life-changing thing and so she's stalling. she's a bit like me that way, i suppose. yeah, that may sound crazy, but other writers know that the characters dictate what happens...we're just the vessel/vehicle/whathaveyou....
so, while alexis is stuck trying to come to terms with what's going on and what to do next, i find myself at the same place. one, i know what's going to happen to her and how everything will turn out. so it's rather annoying not to be able to just finish it already. but i do have patience.
the other thing is that i Swear alexis and i are at the same point in our lives. something Major is going on and we need to move forward and make some huge changes and be strong women and forge ahead without doubt.....but, it's not that simple.

yeah, people may be sick of my tarot card draws, but they're the one thing that hasn't failed me yet. not once..

here's mine for now, and i feel that it's more than correct, and once you see my 'future' card, you'll see why i'm so reluctant to move forward.
i'm hoping alexis has better luck. i think her path will be a bit easier than mine.
heck, i'm just hoping that this whole mess of a life (which is still on track, it's just a mess to get it to what i want exactly...) will bring alexis back closer to me and we can continue on her journey together as i trudge ahead on my own, by myself.

anyway, here's my draw for the day. i had nothing specific in mind as far as a question...just an overview of life and what's in store for me::

recent past::
* ten of swords
oh yeah, i've felt these swords lately. and i've been drawing them Constantly. if i go back over all my draws the past couple weeks, i'm betting all the money i have that at least 75% of them are sword cards.
here's the description of what the drawing means, paraphrased::
-- it's a card of terrible misfortune, but the troubles are more melodramatic than real. the sincere suffering that the man on the card is feeling *might* be exaggerated due to the fact that there are TEN swords...somewhat excessive. but that doesn't change how he feels... he's hitting rock bottom--one disaster after another. it's gotta end sometime, right?!? this card is about a victim mentality; being a martyr. a little dramatic. but there are misfortunes in the world and this card doesn't make light of what is happening. it's just perception that's key.
a person knows when there's really a problem and that problem should be dealt with accordingly.. but that's not what this card is about. it's to show you there IS a lighter side...your heart can laugh. the card is laughing at how you're dealing with your own personal tale of woe... "When you see the Ten of Swords, check your attitude and know you've reached the point where things will definitely begin to look up."
---------so, that was my past. to a T, for sure. what i posted the other day is my current situation, which this next card vibes with rather well. and it's great and it's perfect and it's true.

and here it is...
current situation::
*king of pentacles
-- this card is all about great stuff. this man is a jack-of-all-trades and is capable of Much. so when this card is drawn, it's supposed to mean that you should act as he would. wwjd (what would jack do -- lol)?? keep a commitment, fix something that's broken -- when you give more, you truly do receive more. so go out and appreciate what you have and give and take and be happy about it all. things are good!! "In a reading, he tells you that his special energy has meaning for you at this time. Let yourself be inspired by this King in whatever form he appears in your life."
-------i rather like this reading!!! and not just because it's positive...because it really does match up with my life at the moment. things are good. not perfect, but good. and i know what i have to do to keep it as such.
but...... i also know what's in store. which is why the next card isn't so wonderful.. but thankfully, life is mind over matter, so i can make things better. of course i can! ;)

future influences::
*nine of swords
-- gah...here's a dreaded sword card again. thankfully, it's reversed this time!! maybe people believe that if a card is reversed, it means all sorts of bad things. like, basically, you take what's good about the card and make it bad. or make what's inherently bad about the card even worse. not so..
all it means is that the energy of the card is lessened...for some reason, the energy cannot express itself freely, and this could be for a number of different reasons, ranging from it being only present in appearance but not deep down, or it may be in its early stages blahblahblah.
so i'm kind of glad this card was reversed for me today. i'm taking it to mean that all the bad things the card represents aren't going to be quite so bad, and with the awareness i already have of it, i can take some matters into my own hands and make the situation better.
but, the nine of swords isn't pleasant... it's all about guilt, anguish, and worry.
the figure in the card is in bed at night because that's when our griefs and worries usually bother us the most. that's when they're foremost in our minds. when we have downtime to really think about what's going on. the good thing about the nine of swords (say, vs. the three of swords) is that the pain comes from within. so, as i've said a few times, it's controllable. it's something we've done to ourselves. something we can change or lessen bit.
when we've done something wrong or failed someone, we tend to feel even worse about it, though, b/c we Can blame ourselves. the anguish is real. it's not a fun time...
but, although the nine of swords isn't the most pleasant of cards, "it doesn't always indicate major distress. Often it is just a sign of some element of unhappiness or trouble - a vulnerable spot in your life. This card is often a warning from your Inner Guide that the path you are going down may be a difficult one. If you approach the Nine of Swords in this spirit - as a caution sign - you will be able to use it constructively. Examine your situation carefully to be sure you are making the best choices. Even a small change can make all the difference."


So......I guess I'm off to figure out exactly what to do about all of this. The thing is, I know exactly what my problem coming up is going to be. Maybe if I can make it less painful before it happens, I can get over it more quickly and head toward happiness.
All I know is I'm proud to be writing and I love what I do for a living and I am sososo glad that I am becoming the type of person who my little girl can look up to and respect.
even if i do go a little crazy about the tarot cards lol
but seriously, they haven't Ever been wrong....so what does that say? hrm.... yeah..

all right, i'm off to take a nap and then play around with my new writing software. we'll see what it's all about and how it works. it's called My Story Writer and i blogged about it earlier on edentylerwriter.com, which you can easily get to by clicking on the big, black, edentylerwriter button on the right-hand side. we'll see.

whew, glad i got that all out of my system. Now, i can relax!!!

4 comments

  1. I'll be interested in hearing what you think of the Story software. I have heard of it and of other kinds of writing software but haven't yet tried any of them. I wonder if software would help or hinder imagination. Whatever works - it's all worth a try.

    Cheers, Jill
    www.jilledmondson.blogspot.com

  2. Tara Says:

    I'm also interested to hear your thoughts on the software. And I'm glad that you like the example you are being. I think about my own sons, and I hope they learn they don't have to be stuck in a desk job or in a 9 to 5 job to make the money they need to make.

  3. eden tyler Says:

    Thanks for stopping by, gals!! =)

    So far I'm not loving the software, but it's Not because it's not wonderful in and of itself -- it's just not my thing. I need something a little more bare bones, which I think I've found in YWriter.

    I'm still playing around with My Story, but I'm not sure it's for me..

    I think the overall problem is I'm not much of an outline person. I take notes and have pages and posterboards of characters and (sometimes) scenes...but I just tend to write as I go and see what happens. I know the story in my head...why do I need it put down in some computer program? Heck, it's enough work just to write the dang book in the first place lol ;)

    @T -- yes, definitely...we don't need "traditional" jobs to be happy and support our children. I actually make more at home freelancing than I ever could going to a desk job five days a week!!!

  4. prashant Says:

    which I think I've found in Writer.
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